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Are you prepared for any emergency? Fire? Bombing? Zombie attack? I thought not. The UK government is here to help!

• Reduce fire hazards in your home. Children are the worst fire hazards; consider giving them up for adoption.
• Fit and maintain smoke alarms - at least one on every floor. But if they go off every time you cook bacon, like ours do, just take the batteries out.
• Most fire deaths and injuries occur while people are sleeping. Plan an escape route should a fire break out at night. Here's a hint: throw your children out of the window FIRST, then follow.

Bonus link: Here are the latest instructions for entering the US.